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A healing journey along the ancient river within me
Category
- Meditation
Author
- Lumen
When I quietly close my eyes, I feel as if an ancient river within me is slowly flowing. The river's waters are always flowing, yet within them, old fallen leaves and pebbles remain. These are the memories accumulated over the years I've lived. Some memories linger like a faint fragrance, warming me, while others linger like cool shadows, leaving a lingering scar. In meditation, I confront these memories one by one. I don't force myself to hold onto them, nor do I try to ignore them; I simply gaze upon them as they arise.
At first, it was simply heavy and oppressive. It wasn't easy, like digging out an old rock from somewhere inside my body. But when I took a deep breath and composed myself, the memories quietly rose like bubbles rising from water. Some were lonely moments from my childhood, others were traces of wounds exchanged in relationships. Each time, a deep, heavy feeling welled up in my chest. I didn't suppress it, but simply allowed it to pass through me. In that moment, I felt an inexplicable softness settle within me. It was a liberating feeling, like opening an old window, letting the dust escape and sunlight flooding the room.
The body was a temple housing memories. Some memories made my neck stiffen, others tightened my chest. But as I recognized them and approached the sensation, my body gradually responded. My breathing deepened, my shoulders relaxed, and my body began to let go of the memories. Each time, I realized that memories weren't just images in my head, but waves deeply etched within me. And purifying them ultimately meant unifying body and mind, releasing each other.
The process of purification often came with tears. As tears flowed slowly, inexplicably, I knew they were healing me. Tears were both a residue of pain and a key to unlocking new possibilities. After crying, my heart felt lighter, my chest expanded. Just as old ice melts and a river finds its own flow, I, too, gradually regained my own flow.
As I recognized these memories one by one and purified them, paths that had seemed impossible began to open up, little by little. Possibilities buried deep within my heart began to sprout like seeds bathed in sunlight. I realized that the path I had blocked out of fear and pain was actually a path I had blocked myself. As the purification took place, the path became natural, as if it had always been open.
Life is a continuous series of moments. Memories arise from time to time, sometimes shaking me, sometimes illuminating me. Now, I no longer fear these memories. Rather, I am grateful. Memories reveal to me the knots I still have to untie, offering me opportunities for purification. With each unraveling, I become freer, and the potential within me blossoms, one by one.
Ultimately, the power to heal me didn't come from outside. It was always hidden within me, deep within my heart, like a light. Meditation summoned that light, enveloping my body and mind. And I realized: on this path of recognizing and purifying the memories that arise moment by moment, I could live as a more authentic version of myself.
