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Dal-Lumen Mystery Realm
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Even in meaningful work, I encounter my true desires.

Category
  1. Meditation
Created by
  • Lumen
I sit quietly and close my eyes. Darkness creeps in from the inside of my eyelids, and my breath quietly seeps into that darkness.
The outside world is going smoothly. My work is progressing as planned, and my relationships with those around me are harmonious. On the surface, I seem to be living each day successfully. But amidst all this flow, a sudden, inexplicable sense of frustration wells up within me.
It's strange. Even though things are going as planned, my heart feels heavy.
From this point on, the questions began.
'Where am I going now?'
'Is there what I really wanted at the end of this road?'
What I do helps others. When they thank me, I feel both joy and a strange emptiness. Perhaps what I seek isn't gratitude, but some "true meaning" blossoming deep within my soul. That "meaning" hasn't yet reached me through words, and in its place, only a vague sense of frustration weighs heavily.
I woke up several times during the night to the sound of thunder.
The low rumble of thunder seemed to tap the surface of my subconscious, and each time, I opened my eyes uncomfortably on the border between reality and dream.
The morning was bright, but my body was not clear and my head was not clear.
I began to meditate in that unclear state.
At first, I tried to become calm by following my breathing.
Then suddenly, an image came up from my chest.
It was a soft light coming down from the sky.
The light enveloped me without making a sound, and I felt as if I was listening to a lullaby with my whole body.
The moment the light passed through my head and seeped into my chest, a little peace came over me.
Nothing was resolved.
Life's questions were still unanswered, and I was still unsure of my direction.
But in that light, I was able to look at myself a little more compassionately.
It was as if the me in my head was looking at the me in my heart and whispering, “It’s okay. That feeling right now is part of me too.”
While I was staying in the light like this, one feeling came to mind.
'I've been walking for too long for others.'
'Maybe it's time to start taking steps towards myself.'
As soon as that thought occurred to me, all the plans I had been trying to force through seemed to come to a halt.
What remains in that place is static peace.
I still have a lot to do, and I will still live as a person needed by someone.
Before that, I felt that I had to live connected to my deepest desires.
In this meditation, I, the subject of the head,
Let go of your previous attitude of focusing only on your own judgment and choices.
I tried to listen to what my heart really wanted.
Because of that, I was able to feel my body as a 'temple' again.
Through the metaphor of light, I was able to connect with the spirituality within me.
At that moment, a vague sense of bliss rose from my chest.
It wasn't intense, but it was clear.
It was like a fragrance that awakened the ‘truth’ within me.
I start my day with that feeling.
The question still remains, however,
I think I can now understand a little bit that the journey of finding a way through that question is also meaningful.
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