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If you feel a subtle sense of unease just by hearing your family's name,
Category
- Session
Author
- Lumen
The morning light always arrives quietly. At a time when all the sounds of the world have yet to awaken, the light gently brushes my eyelids, awakening me. I inhale slowly. A gentle sensation ripples in my chest, and within it, an ancient shadow rises. It was my family, her face.
That name always left a subtle tremble in my heart. It was a feeling floating somewhere between love and resentment. At one point, I wanted to understand her, and at another, I wanted to escape. There were years when we spent blaming each other amidst the hardships of life. I tried to overcome that wall with logic, words, and persuasion, but every attempt returned like a crashing wave.
This morning, I decided to stop the fight.
As I went into meditation, I said to myself:
Now, let's meet with light instead of logic.
As I caught my breath, I felt a warm light enveloping me. At first, it was faint, but it gradually permeated my entire being. It felt as if the calluses in my heart were melting away, one by one. I followed the light down to my heart. My head's judgment quieted, and my heart slowly awakened. There, I felt an ancient compassion.
Her life flashed before her. The hardships of her youth, the memories of being hurt by relying on others, the times she'd bound herself in the name of faith. Beneath it all lay anxiety and loneliness. I felt that loneliness. And I realized that loneliness, in fact, was within me, too.
The reason I resented her was perhaps because I saw the anxiety within me in her.
At that moment, the light before my eyes gently swayed and changed color. A green glow seemed to surge toward my frontal lobe. I felt the light vibrate sharply and anxiously. It was her energy, or rather, the pain I felt from her. I breathed into it.
"It's okay. It's okay now."
I spoke in my heart, as if whispering.
Then, the green light slowly began to unravel. Like a thread unraveling, it spread gently like a haze. In its place, a soft yellow glow bloomed. It was a warm, vibrant light. I breathed in that light with her, my breath aligning with hers. The light passed through our hearts and spread throughout our bodies.
At that moment I felt it.
In the light, I let go of old resentments and breathed together with the light of compassion and forgiveness toward my family.
I wanted her to be free, and I wanted me to be free too.
That wish became a prayer, and the prayer became light and returned to my body.
Now, I am no longer in a position to judge her, but to look at her from a position where we breathe together.
Her life remains my teacher, a being who taught me compassion and awakened me to empathy.
I called the light back into my heart.
The light came down from high in the sky, passed through my head and chest, and flowed down my entire body.
In that light, I felt the me of my head and the me of my heart meeting.
And when the two became one, my spirit smiled serenely.
Now everything is quiet.
That's how today's meditation ended.
But the light still continued to flow within me.
The light was speaking, gently shaking from the bottom of my heart.
"Love is not accomplished by logic, but by the breath of mercy."
