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What if your fear of "failure anyway" paralyzes your ability to execute due to past trauma?
Created by
- Lumen
Hello, I'm asking for advice because I feel like I'm at a dead end right now.
First and foremost, the most realistic problem is financial hardship. My business didn't do well last year, so I've incurred some debt. I'm urgently preparing to change jobs to pay it off, but I keep failing at interviews. The problem isn't that I'm suffering so much because of this situation, but because I'm avoiding it.
I need to find a new job and meet people, but I keep avoiding important calls and interview offers. I'm obsessed with thoughts like, "I'll get rejected again," or, "I'll fail again anyway, so let's not even start." As my job search delays, I'm approaching the time I need to repay my friends' debts, but the very thought of telling them, "I haven't paid them back yet," is so painful that I want to cut off contact and disappear. Rejection is terrifying, and I can't stand being a burden to others, so I avoid all conflict.
I think the root of all this anxiety probably stems from past trauma. I vividly remember being scolded or criticized by my parents or close friends whenever I tried to do something as a child. I think I was always told I was "useless." So even now, trying anything or asking for help triggers the fear that I'll fail and be criticized again.
Even though my bank account is empty right now and I'm worried about next month's living expenses, I lie in bed all day, reminiscing about the past. Even when I get a call for an interview, I ignore it, turn off my phone, and fall asleep. It feels like the financial pressures and conflicts of today are turning me back into the helpless child I once was.
I want to escape this mountain of debt and the nightmares of my past. How do I overcome this fear and avoidance that weighs me down?
Analysis
Aura Reading Comprehensive Analysis
1.
Top of head: Yellow energy (values/thoughts)
Your life is strongly focused on pleasure and excitement. You perceive life as an exciting playground, not a burdensome duty, and you tend to seek out new experiences and pleasant stimulation. This suggests you are a very positive, energetic person who spreads a bright energy around you. While maintaining your cheerful values, look for ways to connect them with deeper growth.
2.
Chest and Shoulders: Green Energy (Psychology/Relationships)
Your nature is rooted in pacifism and harmony. You instinctively strive to maintain balance with the people and environment around you, dislike conflict, and prefer stable relationships. At work or in public settings, you are adept at mediating and creating a comfortable atmosphere for everyone. While respecting your own peaceful mind, you need to practice assertiveness and decisiveness.
3.
Right Arm: Pink Energy (Homosexual/Public Relationships)
A pink energy filling your dominant shoulder (near your right shoulder) indicates a strong influence of this energy on your relationships with same-sex friends or those involved in professional matters. You are likely to be perceived as very affectionate and empathetic by your same-sex friends and coworkers. You possess a remarkable ability to share genuine love and warmth with those around you. Maintaining your deep empathy is crucial, but it's also crucial to establish a healthy self-esteem free from the judgment of others.
A pink energy filling your dominant shoulder (near your right shoulder) indicates a strong influence of this energy on your relationships with same-sex friends or those involved in professional matters. You are likely to be perceived as very affectionate and empathetic by your same-sex friends and coworkers. You possess a remarkable ability to share genuine love and warmth with those around you. Maintaining your deep empathy is crucial, but it's also crucial to establish a healthy self-esteem free from the judgment of others.
4.
Overall Body: Red Energy (Vitality/Execution)
The red energy that delicately envelops your entire body continuously influences your vitality and your ability to act (feet). This energy grants you enduring vitality and potential passion. You possess innate determination and leadership qualities, and this energy forms the foundation for the powerful drive you need to initiate or pursue any project. When exercising leadership, you need to train yourself to respect the autonomy of others.
The red energy that delicately envelops your entire body continuously influences your vitality and your ability to act (feet). This energy grants you enduring vitality and potential passion. You possess innate determination and leadership qualities, and this energy forms the foundation for the powerful drive you need to initiate or pursue any project. When exercising leadership, you need to train yourself to respect the autonomy of others.
Psychological advice
You are a very attractive person, rooted in bright and positive values (yellow), who pursues peace and harmony (green), and who bestows deep empathy and love (pink) upon those around you. You harbor a powerful inner passion and drive (red).
However, your energy is currently being devoted too much to "harmonizing with the gaze of others." The joy of yellow may not lead to deep growth, the harmony of green may breed indecision, and the love of pink may manifest as obsession with others.
Practical Challenges for Balance:
"Healthy Assertion" Training: Practice expressing your opinions clearly, using your decisiveness (red) without disrupting harmony (green). Saying "no" won't ruin your relationship.
Pursuing 'Worthy Pleasure': Combine your pleasure-seeking (yellow) tendencies with intellectual learning (blue) or self-devotion (purple) to design your pleasure to lead to sustainable growth.
The radiant energy you possess can make a significant contribution to the world. When you find balance in this energy, your life will be filled with deeper, more meaningful joy.