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The Path of Compassion Guided by Anxiety
Category
- Meditation
Created by
- Lumen
Anxiety always comes quietly. It doesn't knock on the door, it doesn't ask for permission. Today, as always, it came to me, wetting the edges of my heart. But strangely, that anxiety didn't feel unfamiliar. Instead, I smelled an old fragrance within it. The faces of people I'd met in the past came to mind, and the gazes of those present beside me faintly flickered through my heart.
When emotions—longing or regret—passed through my mind like a gust of wind, I surrendered to it. I closed my eyes, and, sinking deep into my heart, I whispered softly, "It's okay. Just feel it."
My breathing slowed, and my thoughts retreated. Instead, images blossomed. Past connections floated and vanished like clouds. Some brought warmth, others pain. But in this moment, no one harmed me. They simply became a part of me, held in my heart like a fragment of memory.
The anxiety still lingered within me, but it no longer consumed me. Instead, it drew me deeper. It felt like walking into a dark cave. A dark yet strangely comforting space, unfamiliar yet familiar. Within it, I found myself. The me in my head, the me in my heart, spoke quietly.
“What are you feeling right now?”
The me in my heart didn't answer. Instead, I showed her a scene. A memory of my childhood, when I was left alone. In that scene, I was staring off into space, silently. And now, I sat beside that child, silently holding his hand. In that moment, something warm spread within me. Perhaps it was compassion. And that compassion led to mercy.
I began to feel my body. A warmth spread from my fingertips, from my toes. It was as if an invisible light descended from the heavens and enveloped me. That light felt like the whisper of some divine being. This light was the spirituality I had been waiting for.
In that light, I experienced a moment of bliss. Time stood still, and I simply existed. A state of being free from anything, free from having to do anything. Thirty minutes had passed, but I wanted to stay longer. I didn't want to leave. Returning to reality was actually frightening. In this silence, I found myself fully for the first time.
Even after the meditation, the afterimages lingered. People's faces came back to me, this time accompanied by slightly different emotions. They were still in my life, but I was now able to see the relationship differently. The anxiety still existed, but I realized it was a doorway leading me into a deeper immersion.
Today's meditation began with anxiety and ended with peace. And in the midst of it all, I made peace with myself. That moment, when the me in my head and the me in my heart joined hands, we were together. And that moment, indeed, was the divinity I had been seeking.
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