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When a faint inner light begins to surround me like a temple
Category
- Meditation
Author
- Lumen
As the night deepens, the anxiety in my heart becomes more defined. A sense of tension and tension, surged without any apparent cause, gradually tightening my forehead and eyebrows. Anxiety about an uncertain future shakes my inner self like a strong wind. I sway like a small candle within it. Random thoughts surge in like a tidal wave, and before one wave can even subside, another surges in. Memories, regrets, imaginations, fears, expectations… everything rushes in at once, clouding my mind.
Yet, even in that murky water, I felt something becoming clearer. A strangely bright light of consciousness was igniting deep within me. I, observing the distracting thoughts, recognizing the anxiety, observing the fear… These things began to separate from me, becoming a consciousness that observed them rather than simply being swept away by the flood of emotions. I felt my metacognition gradually becoming clearer. I had a premonition that perhaps this confusion was the threshold that would lead me to a new awakening.
My body still felt uneasy, my mind wavering, but within that, I stood at another crossroads in my journey to self-discovery. Then one night, in a dream, I had the experience of a being whispering something in my ear. It was so vivid that I felt compelled to wake up, but my body remained motionless. My subconscious was speaking to me from deep within, and that message felt like the voice of my soul, blossoming amidst all this anxiety and confusion.
In that moment, I realized I wasn't just being swept up in all these emotions. I was being a witness to them. The power to know myself, that small awareness, twinkled like a star in the dark night sky. What held me steady in my sway wasn't some external assurance or future stability, but the light of consciousness, gazing upon me in this moment.
The anxiety remained, the impatience lingering, but in this space of "awareness" that embraced it all, I felt stronger than ever. And that space of awareness was truly my home, my temple. There, I felt the connection between subject and substance, and I could imagine a light, however faint, enveloping me. That light was imaginary, yet at the same time, so real. A faint warmth spread from a corner of my heart, and it had the power to push away the shadow of anxiety.
Even amidst anxiety and confusion, I was growing in the power of self-knowledge. It was like a seed, still fragile and small, but clearly alive and growing. I decided to believe it. That one day, this seed would grow into a mighty tree, leading me to even greater heights. The night was deep, and my anxiety lingered, but even within it, I was slowly awakening.
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